Wednesday, January 21, 2009
'
11:43 PM
Y
Hey dears.
I'll do a rly brief update, but I'm sorry cuz it's not gna be a happy post.
VJ string ensem is better for me now, practicing hard (:
I don't know Suzanna, but Weiling only, haha.
Jiayou April! Eh, I want pics of you at school too okay! :D
Mainly, I really need to wash all the dirt out.I can't stand it anymore, with Danial's parents asking him to break up with me, cause they don't approve. It's like he's one of my biggest pillars of strength as well, through my parent's divorce.Don't worry, he's adamant and stubborn about breaking up with me. But the thing is, we have to pretend that we've cooled off. As in, pretend we're only really close friends now, what more with school starting round the corner, and the fact that we may go different pathways.I guess, for me, that's like the last straw.Because I can't live a lie, you know, and what more, I don't want him to blow up the relationship with his parents, if they find out.Not spending much time with him already, as of now, and I feel so distant from him.Living this lie would mean:1. Acting cool with each other in public2. Forced to only be who we really are in private.3. Forced to be on our toes all the time.4. The possibility of me seeing him with other people, new friends, closer than what we usually are. Even spending more time with them, is my limit.5. Everytime we go out, he'd have to lie to his parents that's he's out with someone else instead.I can't keep this sort of thing a secret. I can't even hold a small secret properly.Living this lie would also mean erasing any relationship of him and I on facebook, on my blog, on public personal space. Which to me, is equivalent of erasing half of what we have already.I won't be able to openly blog about him, about what I'm feeling. And I'm the expressive type, so this won't work for me. It's like confining myself into a dark box with diagnosed with claustrophobia.I can't.If I end it now, it still won't change how I feel for him. But would be letting the pain fade into memories.I really don't know what to do.Yeah, sorry bout this, mostly it's complaints, but I had to get it out.
Love,
Sherri.
/these little acts of love.
